10 Jan 2009 marks another important milestone in siukai’s and dar dar’s relationship. It’s our 3 years and 6 months anniversary! :D Well well, who would have thought? Siu kai, a first timer at relationship being so successful in maintaining one. Ha.
So, what’s the secret siukai? Hmm, I think the main reason is that I’m a born natural. I have it in me all along, just that I did not realize until I was a young adult. Ha.
No lah, the REAL secret is… it all boils down to hard work and efforts from both party. As the saying goes, it takes two hands to clap. It is after all a relationship involving 2 people and naturally you need both to make the attempt to keep the relationship going.
Maintaining a relationship is always harder than starting one. If you have not dated before and you think dating is tough, I’ve got bad news for you dude. Being in a relationship is a lot more tougher!
Here’s my advice to you if you find it difficult to talk to the opposite sex. (You always find yourself drenched in your own cold sweat whenever you have to strike up a conversation with someone from the opposite gender.) Become a vegetarian today and start planning to join the monastery! Ha.
As for myself, I have to admit that the beginning of my relationship with dar dar was kinda unstable. It would only take the slightest provocation for me to throw my temper at dar dar. In my defence, I have to say that I’m still a newbie at that time! Ha.
Actually, that’s a lousy excuse for being a jerk. I guess I was still not conditioned to be in a relationship yet and it was always about me. It takes a while before the relationship moves from me, to us, then to dar dar. :)
Amazingly, during the ME era, dar dar and me did not have any direct confrontations and arguments. I define arguments as when both parties start to say/shout/scream negative things at each other.
Sure, we had our fair amount of conflicts but it never escalated into a full blown war. Yah, that is one very important advice; NEVER HAVE ARGUMENTS. But siukai, I thought arguments are supposed to make the relationship stronger?
Yes, that’s true. Conflicts do make you understand each other more and may even strengthen the bonds. It’s okay to have conflicts in a relationship but NEVER have a shouting match. I mean, sometimes in the heated moment, you might say things that you will live to regret later and it will cause a scar in the relationship; no matter what you do later on, you can never remove that scar.
So, whenever you are angry with your partner, don’t go be tempted to enter into an argument. If you are on the phone, end the conversation immediately. If you are face to face with each other, walk away but assured your partner that you just need time to cool down.
When we are angry, we tend to think less logically. Heck, in fact logic does not apply when one is angry! Ha.
Everytime when dar dar and me have a conflict, we will give each other maybe a day of cooling down time. During this time, I would think of the situation from her point of view and see why she reacted that way. Perhaps she misunderstood me or it was just a case of miscommunication. Or maybe she didn’t get the whole picture. Dar dar will also do the same thing.
Sometimes I will be angry with dar dar and after the cooling period, I would explain to her why I felt this way. Dar dar will apologize. Talking about apologies, I think it’s the best tool when in a relationship. Guys, you should never be afraid to say sorry if it is your fault, sometimes it’s not our fault but it’s still okay to say sorry if it is reasonable. Come on, be a gentleman! :)
For girls though, it is always nice when you make it an effort to acknowledge the fact that we give in to you sometimes. Don’t take it for granted. :)
Last year, I also met some new challenges in our relationship – Third party. Yah, what do you do if some other guy wants to get a piece of the action even when he knows that your dar dar is already attached to you? Well, some guys out there don’t play by the rules. As long as your girl is not married, they will take it that she is still available. Most will simply choose to ignore your existence.
So, what did yours truly do? Well, I went to the nearest DIY stall and bought a chainsaw.
Ha. Actually, that wasn’t anything additional that I needed to do. I just carried on doing my usual stuffs. Ha, I’m not boasting or anything like that. Let me illustrate it for you. And since I’m a computing guy, let me explain using the concepts of hacking.
Say you have a very critical computer system. You will take necessary measures to protect it from hackers right? You will install the appropriate antivirus software, firewalls etc to keep out intruders. I mean if you did not install any of those and left your system defenseless, it wouldn’t take an idiot to figure out what would happen the moment a hacker chanced upon your system.
Similarly for me, I made sure that our relationship was going smoothly. There would be weekly, monthly maintenance and periodic feedback. Ha. You need to update patches and plug loopholes you may find. :P Sometimes there would be treats and surprises.
Yah, everyone loves surprises. A surprise is always a good way to give a boost to the relationship. NEVER let the relationship stagnant. Now you know why Microsoft is always coming out with a newer version of Windows every now and then. Ha.
A surprise once in a while is always a good thing. It can come in the form of a treat, a gift, an excursion. The possibilities are limited only by your imagination!
And here comes my favorite part, when she ask how come you are giving her the surprise, a gift for example, reply this. “Do I need a reason to give a gift to my dar dar (or any other fancy names you call her) Ha. Sure guaranteed to melt her heart!
Of course, despite all the security measures, there are times when an intruder might manage to sneak through. In such cases, we may need to call for more drastic actions – The Chainsaw. Ha. Jus kiddin on that one.
Come on siukai, you mean that’s all to it? There must be some secrets of maintaining a relationship you are keeping from us. Well, there isn’t anything I can think of at the moment, unless you count writing letters to dar dar as a secret.
Ha. Yah, I still write letters to dar dar every one or two months, during our anniversary. Initially, it started out as a kind of monthly summary of the events that happened and an update on the progress of our relationship. Of course there would be reaffirmation of “I love you” and “Thank you.” That reminds me, girls will never be tired of hearing “I love you” from the person they love. :)
The letters are also a medium to converse thoughts that might be difficult or awkward to say out. Ha. I mean some things are better expressed in writing. When was the last time you received a handwritten letter from someone? Was the feeling different? It takes effort to write a letter especially these days when it is much easier to type. And your dar dar will certainly appreciate that extra effort. :)
Finally, it always helps to publicly declare your love and affection for your dar dar, like what I’m doing now! Ha. Girls feel assured and loved when their boyfriends say nice things about them. :) And also when they acknowledged that the girlfriend plays a part in keeping the relationship going strong!
The remaining part of this blog entry is for my dar dar. You may choose not to read it if mushy stuffs makes you want to puke. Ha.
Dar dar, thanks for being with me for the past 3 years and 6 months. Thanks for appreciating me for who I am and thanks for bearing with my bad temper especially in our early years. Thanks for everything that you ever did for me dar dar. Muacks. I love you and I look forward to spending many more great years with you. :)
Happy anniversary dar! :)
