Good day! :D

Hello there! Don't be shocked okie, you are still at Siu Kai's World, just that I've given my blog a brand new look. Ha.

Yup, have been wanting to change the layout of my blog for quite some time, just that I was really busy with work the past few weeks. But I finally sat myself down and tada! Here's the masterpiece. :D

What? You think the previous design is nicer? Ha. I think so too but I feel that the previous design was not really reader-friendly. The words are too small and cramped. And seeing how siukai's posts are getting longer by the day, I thought I should not continue to torture my fans' eyes. Ha.

The design might not be that pretty but it's effective. Ha. I guess that basically sums up siukai's outlook/philosophy on life. I prefer practical and effective things rather than stuffs that look pretty on the surface but is really useless deep down inside.

As the saying goes, "Never judge a book by its cover." siukai says, "Never judge a blog by its skin." And of course, "Never judge a man by his crap." Ha.

And here's more good news for you siukai's fans! siukai's new blog, Men are from Queenstown, Women are from Bukit Panjang is finally up!

Ha. Yah, it was supposed to be a book but no money to publish lah, so blog first. :)

Have already posted some of the stuffs I wrote a few years back, some "tactics" might be a bit outdated but they still make for a good read and laugh of course. Ha.

And the goodies keep on coming! Do watch out for The Chronicles of siukai - The Fatman, the wardrobe and his oversize pants - another upcoming blog to satisfy your SKC addiction. Ha.

Enjoy! :)

I'm sorry but we might need to send you home...

Hi! I'm back! Miss me? Ha.

Come on, I know you do. :D Admit it, you missed siukai's crap don't ya? Still not convinced? Take a look at the following symptoms and check for yourself whether you exhibit these signs:

1) You click on the siukaiworld link (which is already in your favorites list) the moment you log on to the Internet.

2) You are disappointed when you do not see any updates.

3) You click on the refresh button on the browser once in a while, hoping to see updated posts but in vain.

4) You read and re-read previous post just to pacify your urge for new content.

5) Before you disconnect from the Internet, you click on the refresh button one last time.

6) You become frustrated at the lack of updates and feel that something is missing from your life.

Ha! So are you a hardcore siukai fan and suffering from SKC (siukai's crap) withdrawal symptoms? Ha.

Not to worry, Dr siu is in the house to give you your much awaited dose! Ha.

First thing first, actually I was not even away; I did not go for my reservist. Before you pick up that phone to report me for AWOL-ing (Absent without Leave in army lingo), let me explain myself.

Ha. Of course you guys already know that siukai is patriotic and would not think twice to defend his country when the need arises. Think thrice or more maybe. But definitely not twice. Ha.

Anyway, there I was, waking up in the wee hours of Wednesday morning, bags packed and ready for my 10 days in-camp training (ICT). After saying a silent prayer, I put on my army pants and to my surprise, it fitted! A miracle! There is indeed a GOD afterall! Ha. :P

So, in high spirits, I boarded the first train to Choa Chu Kang, then to Bukit Panjang as my army stuffs were at my dar dar's place and Ed was coming over to fetch me. (My army camp was near dar dar's place, that's why I left my army stuffs there.)

Dar dar even bought us breakfast from McDonalds. :) Thanks patapon dar dar! Muacks.

Oh yah, let me sidetrack for a bit. For those who have no idea what patapon means, it's actually this game dar dar and me are currently playing on the psp. It's a rather fun and addictive game. Dar dar is quite addicted to the game, hence the nickname. Ha.

Back to the story... so after saying our I-will-miss-you and goodbyes, Ed and me made our way to the army camp. It has been almost 4 years since we last set foot in the camp and well the feeling... not that great exactly. Ha. It's never nice to go back lah.

After parking his car, we brought our barang barang to the training shed to await for further instructions. Saw a few of our former camp mates who were also there for their first ICT.

The first sign of "trouble" came when the instructors told us to assemble according to our company and sections and this being our first ICT, we had no idea which section we belonged to.

So we went to look for our names on the list. It took a while but eventually Ed found his name, however I still could not find mine. So I proceeded to the clerk and he scanned my NRIC.

"Hmm... this is strange, your name is recorded for this ICT but you don't seem to have any company or section." the clerk said calmly.

"Hmm... how come?" I asked, getting a bit excited.

"Are you still studying?" the lady standing next to the clerk asked. She was the chief clerk.

"Yah, I'm still studying." I replied, heart pounding faster.

"Oh." she said, a look of surprise on her face.

"So, what's wrong?" I asked, a smile was forming.

"Wait a second, let me check again." the chief clerk said and she went through the list one more time, this time more slowly. When she reached the end of the list, she looked up at me and smiled.

"I have to call HQ, maybe you can wait here?" she said.

"Oh okay, what might be wrong?" I asked, the grin on my face getting wider.

"Hmm... I think we might have already posted you out of this unit because you are currently schooling. But I need to double confirm."

"We might need to send you home." she added.

"Oh." I tried very hard not to let my emotions show but deep down inside, I was already jumping for joy.

A few minutes later she came back and the words that came out of her mouth were like the most wonderful melody to my ears.

"Congratulations siukai, you have won a million dollars!!!"

Ha. That wasn't what she said but the effects were similar.

"I'm sorry but I think you have to go home because you have been posted out of the unit and is currently on the holding list." I could not believe my ears and had to asked her to repeat herself.

And when it was all said and done, what choice did I have? I bid farewell to Ed and my former camp mates and made my way slowly out of the camp. I could have ran, just in case they said they made a mistake and wanted me to go back, but my barang barang was just too heavy. Ha.

And that very evening, I went for a buffet dinner with dar dar and family at Seoul Gardens. Wow. What a day! Ha.

Since I did not have any ICT, I went back to work and was quite busy for the past few days, hence the lack of updates.

Oh yah, dar dar cooked chilli chicken on Saturday and it was delicious! Unfortunately, I wasn't able to take any pictures because my sis took the camera with her when she went on a holiday. So, sorry guys, no pictures this time round.

Besides that, nothing much really happened and thus I think this might be one of the shortest post ever. Ha.

You kiddin me siukai? After waiting for one week, this is the best crap you can muster? Give me more!

Ha. Do I hear shouts of encore?

Ha. Okay okay, let me try to dig up some more crap from my arsenal...

Oh, okay, got it. This morning, at the AMK roadshow, I was introducing the benefits of the membership card to an auntie and was telling her how she could purchase movie tickets at a discounted rate when her son asked, "Uncle, where can we buy the tickets?"

That question earned the son a slap on the head from the mother. You would have think the mother told the son, "Don't anyhow call uncle, he's Gor Gor (big brother)"

In my dreams perhaps! Ha. Instead the mother simply said, "Don't interrupt." Ha.

Uncle siu ah uncle siu... Ha. Seriously, this is not the first time someone called me uncle liao lah. I'm kinda used to it though sometimes I still make my way to the toilet to wipe away the mysterious clear liquid that seems to flow uncontrollably from my eyes. Ha.

I think the first time some kid called me uncle was when I was in Poly. I was walking past this car with gys when suddenly this kid who was inside the car started pointing at me and shouted "Uncle! Uncle!"

I was "saun" by gys for the next few days. Ha.

That was the beginning of the Uncle siu's era.

My worst encounter? You might not be able to take it you know. It could either be the funniest or saddest thing you have ever heard. Ha.

There was one time when I was going home when this UNCLE called out to me and he asked, "UNCLE, how to get to the MRT station ah?"

Gosh. An uncle calling me uncle.

I was so upset that I could not eat for days and ended up losing a few kilos. Ha.

I think it was rather dark that day and maybe the lightings casted shadows on my face, making me look much older, or maybe that Uncle was drunk. Yah, must be lah. Ha.

Alright then, I'm done for the day. Not bad lah, still got 1300++ words, got meet the siukai quota liao. Ha. Don't worry, will be back soon enough. Till then!

The secret ingredient is.... nothing!

I think I must be one of the worst salesman ever! Ha. After 7 days at the world book fair, poor uncle Siu did not managed to crack that big fat zero! If there was an award in my company for the most awful sales personnel, I would be a shoo-in for that. Ha.

Eh boss, I really tried quite hard liao lei. There were a few times I did come close but like what Jose Mourinho, the new manager of Inter Milan proclaimed, almost is not good enough.

I almost got a $150 sales, I almost got a $840 sales but almost is nothing. Maybe in the philosophy of a loser almost is great but of course we all know that siukai retired from the greatest loser club ever a couple of years back. Ha. Therefore, it was actually quite a disappointing 7 days for me. :(

I can blame the crowd, blame the organizer of the fair who did not try hard enough to promote the event, blame the customers who did not give me a chance. Maybe these factors do play a part in my disastrous result but remember that winners make sacrifices and not excuses?

Maybe I'm just not cut out to be a salesman. Ha. I was still afraid that my zero streak will continue since I was back at my other promoter job at Tampines mall. 1 hour before I knock off, I was still at zero.

"Die die!" I thought to myself. "Don't tell me I'm going into my 8th day without any sales?" Now I know how a striker feels when he is on a goal drought. Sometimes you just need that one goal to get the momentum back again.

So did siukai get that one goal?

Drum rolls...

Of course lah! Ha. It's uncle siu you are talking about here lei. The never say die, always positive uncle who never backs down despite the colossal amount of rejections. Ha.

I was almost using my level 3 mind control powers I learnt from Prof Xavier and "phys-co-ing" this uncle to buy with my unbelievable sales talk. Ha. And when he said, "Okie, how do I sign up?" I think I was almost in heaven. Ha.

I had to control myself from hugging him and giving him a kiss. Ha. Thank you Mr Rashid! I'm sure you won't regret signing up for this wonderful card!!! :)

Minus the lack of sales, the 7 days at the book fair was quite enjoyable actually. Met a lot of interesting and nice people. :) One of them is Alfred. Ha. He is like the NICEST and the most FUNNY guy there. Ha.

Yup, Alfred called me the other time and he asked me why I did not mention his name in my blog. Well, there it is. Alfred is the BEST guy ever. Ha.

Seriously, Alfred is one of the top salesman among the part-timers. I attribute it to his tactical use of words. Like when I told him I was 26 this year, he replied, "Oh, then you must be the biggest among us."

Notice he used "biggest" rather than the now taboo "O" word at siukai's world. Ha. His sweet talking must have won him a lot of customers.

Well, just in case you do meet other people who are much older than you, siukai has some wonderful words which you may use. Like you can say, "Oh, you are 26, how I wish I was as mature as you!" Or "26 huh, you must be very wise..." Or simply, "I like the number 26." Ha.

Now you see how powerful words are? And why it is always so important to use positive words? Let's try this experiment. Read the following short paragraph:

It's such a horrible day! The weather was so freaking hot and I waited like 20 minutes for the stupid train to arrive and worst of all it was so god-damn packed that I could hardly breathe. Stupid!

How did you feel when you read that? You felt crappy right? Now take a look at the other paragraph:

Bon jour! That's good day in French for you. :) Ha. It was a perfect weather today, alright I admit it was a bit hot but I could do with a tan seeing how my patapon dar dar has been commenting that I look like a bai zhan ji (White chicken). Ha.

The train today was a bit slow but thankfully I had my best friend, the MP3 player with me. :) Mr Digo is his name. Yup, I name all my stuffs like my mouse is called Miss Mousie while my handphone is Le Nokia. Ha. I just made all that up. Ha.

Well, you see the great difference? One is so full of negative energy while the other makes you feel happy when reading it right? That's why you must always be positive and use positive words. Remember that energy and mood is infectious.

Instead of being affected by the moods of others, why not be the one who sets the mood and pass on the good energy! Smile! Be Happy! Life is too short to be sad!!!

Ha. You suddenly feel very energetic now don't you? Ha.

Kok once commented that my writing was so powerful that if I wrote that I saw a Panda on Orchard road, you would have believed me.

Ha. Actually, he did not say that. I just made that up. But for a moment, you thought it was real right? Ha.

Talking about Panda, I went to watch Kungfu Panda with patapon dar dar last Friday. It's very NICE!!! Very funny! Must watch!

**SPOILER ALERT**

The moral of the story, "The secret ingredient is nothing." All it takes is for you to believe in yourself, then you will be able to achieve what you want."

Everyone in the world can don't believe in you, but as long as you constantly believe in yourself, you are good to go. :) Remember, the moment your dreams die, you are as good as dead.

Here's another great quote I picked up from a book, "Some people die at twenty-five, and aren't buried until they're seventy-five." Cheem ah? Ha.

** End of SPOILER ALERT**

The panda died in the movie. Oops!

Ha. Just kiddn lah.

After watching Kungfu Panda, I suddenly wanted to learn Kungfu, just like how I got this sudden impulse to learn Muay Thai after I watched Chocolate (See previous previous posts). Ha.

After watching movies, I always want to learn/do something new. Like Ratatouille, I was inspired to learn cooking. Speed. I wanted to be a bus driver. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: I wanted to eat lots of chocolate. Ha.

Oh yah, I just remembered, pre-orders of my latest book "Men are from Queenstown. Women are from Bukit Panjang" has just started. Get yours before it is too late! Ha. Order now and you will get this chance for an instant lucky dip! Ha.

I also realized that newly converted fans of siukai might find some of the stories here hard to following seeing how siukai has almost blogged for 7 years now, in fact even before the word blog was even invented. Ha.

Thus, there's a lot of back-story involved. Not to worry though, look out for the limited hardcopy edition book which will fill you in on the past 7 years of siukai crap. The book, "The Chronicles of siukai. The fatman, the wardrobe and his oversize pants." will be available at all major bookstores at the end of the year. Ha.

I also met this maths whiz kid at the bookfair. Okay, he was not exactly a whiz kid, but his maths standard was still good enough to impress me. I think he's in primary 2. I asked him, "How's your maths?" and he replied calmly, "Good."

So I popped in this Tough Maths CD-Rom for him to try. He tried a few questions and got all of them correctly (some of the questions were so cheem that I din even noe how to solve!) Then, I asked him to explain how he managed to come up with the solutions.

He pointed to some diagrams he drew on this rough paper I gave him and muttered, "This one is 15 then you add this one and that one..." I think he lost me at "this one is 15". Ha.

Nowadays kids are really getting smarter and smarter. Maybe it's because of the cartoon they watched?

Have you heard of Clifford the Big Red Dog? If you have not, welcome to my world uncle/auntie! Ha.

Apparently, Clifford is this red in color dog that is quite popular with kids nowadays. Well, I have no idea until I saw him at the world book fair! Ha. And when I was told that the dog was actually quite famous, I was dumbfounded.

I've heard of Barney, Pikachu, Mickey Mouse. But Clifford? The only dog I know is Pluto from the Mickey Mouse gang. Ha. A case of generation gap already? Ha.

Anyway, I think that Clifford is god-darn scary. Why is it even red in the first place? Ha. Just take a look at the picture I found on the web, below.

Clifford the scary red dog

Look at those scary big eyes and the gigantic paws. Ha. One K2 boy even cried when he saw Clifford. I think he will have nightmares of red dogs for a few consecutive nights!

I swore I had goose bumps when the giant Clifford Mascot brushed past me. Ha. Scary!

Well, this should be my last post until the weekend since I'm going for my reservist on Wed. Do look out for the return of siukai's weekend feast; dar dar is cooking lime chilli chicken and rice this Saturday! Yummy yummy! :)

Remember, you must always believe in yourself. The secret ingredient is... nothing!