It's always darkest before dawn. But what if dawn never comes?

As I write this, dar dar is in a secondary school beginning her contract teaching. Congratulations dar dar, you have finally fulfill your dream of becoming a teacher. :)

Dar dar told me that since she was young, she had always aspired to be a Maths teacher. She was inspired and motivated by her favorite Maths teacher who was very patient, great at explaining difficult Maths concepts and making sure everybody understood, even the weaker students.

The day dar dar decided that she was going to become a Maths teacher, she worked hard towards her goals, first getting into JC, then into Maths course at NUS and finally now at NIE.

I really admire and envy people who know from the very beginning what the heck they want to do with their lives and go all out to pursue it. As for myself, I'm still unsure where this current road will lead me.

When I was in primary school and we had to write a composition on "My ambitions", my favorite "ambition" was always to be a Scientist. Not that I knew exactly what a scientist does in those days. I mean my compo was very generic. I just wrote that I wanted to invent stuffs to help the world and so forth. Maybe I was "inspired" after watching those sci-fi movies or something. Ha.

A few years later, I wanted to become a wrestler. Ha. You know where that came from don't you? Yah, that's the side effects of watching too much World Wrestling Entertainment. :P

Then there was once I wanted to be a professional soccer player. I mean getting paid to play your favorite sports seemed to be the best job one can get! And the millions and millions of fans cheering you on when you score that winning goal... wow...

More years later, I wanted to be a game designer. And that dream was the longest I had. I held it all the way from secondary school until I completed my National Service.

Then what happened next siukai?

I was introduced to a friend known as "Real Life" and was hit by a dose of "Reality." Suddenly, everything seems so different out there.

I know how I have talked about positive thinking and stuffs but sometimes there are certain times when you just feel like whining a bit. Ha. And this is one such moment.

Frankly speaking, as of now, I really have no idea what the hell I want to do with my life.

It's already July of 2008 now and that means more than half the year has gone by. And well, look where I am now? Did I make any progress? What have I achieved?

Sometimes you work hard and when you hope to see results, you see none. Sometimes when you lament how some people get the easy life while you have to slog and sweat and endure all those crap life throws at you and worse, at the end of the day, you are still at square one.

Sometimes you just ask yourself, when will all this ends? When will you ever see that light at the end of the tunnel? Heck, when will you even get out of the tunnel? Well, how do you even know you are in a tunnel in the first place? Maybe you are in a sealed box - with no way out.

Sometimes you look up into the sky and ask whoever is up there, GOD, ALLAH, LAO MU, JESUS, SHIVA, whatever, whether they are done with you yet. If not, how long more? If not, is that the best they can do?

And you really want to scream at them, "Just bring it." But you are afraid that worse will come because your spirit is tired, your body exhausted.

They always say that it is always darkest before dawn, that once you have endure the darkest moments, good things will come your way. That it was darkness that invented the light.

Right, spare me those crap. I'm too old for that. Ha.

Sometimes you just wonder what if dawn just never comes? Or whether you will be stuck in the darn box forever.

But siukai loves challenges. He has always relish being the underdog. siukai don't believe in GOD, ALLAH, LAO MU, JESUS, SHIVA, whatever. Because he believes he creates his own destiny.

Stuck in a box? Then tear your way out.

Dawn won't come?

Then I jolly well got to create my own dawn.

Moral of the story? Just because life deals you a bad hand doesn't mean that you have to accept it. Fight for your future. Fight your way out of the box. It's never over until you say it's over.

Life never gives up on you until you give up on it.

Wow siukai, that is really one load of bullshit. But hey, it's very good bullshit. Ha. :P