So siukai, how does it feels like to be 26?

Hi, I'm back.

It has been a long week. I'm battered, my legs are like dao hui(soya bean curd) after 5 consecutive days of standing at the world book fair trying my best to promote some educational products. Hey boss, if you are reading this, I really tried my best liao lei. Really. Ha.

It sure doesn't help when you have an extra weight in the form of a tummy who as I mentioned in my previous post seems to have a life on its own despite me trying to shhh... get rid of it. And of course, my age has been dutifully running along side me and soon I will reach the grand number of 26.

When age catches up with you, let's just say that your body just ain't the same anymore. Yup, previously you needed one bowl of rice to fill that stomach, then 2 and now it just keeps getting hungry, like a baby. Ha.

Jokes aside, my once muscular legs which was at one time estimated to be worth 1 million dollars at the Commonwealth league, (one side mind you, so that's 2 million for a pair) is now so weak that even the garang kuni man will have to think thrice if i were to trade them for some old newspapers.

5 consecutive days of standing for up to 10 hours a day is really taking a toll on Uncle Siu's poor legs. Ha. :)

So much for the intro, now let me tell you about what happened during my five days at the bookfair.

I met some nice people :) and one rather interesting guy. No, I did not meet Xavier again (see previous post) or his minions, Cyclopes or Wolverine. Ha. Rather, it was this guy who seemed to have something against me which I will explain shortly.

This guy, let's just call him Kingston. Of course you guys know that siukai is a nice person and he never reveals actual names in his blog posts. So let me just reiterate that all the names in this entry are fictional unless otherwise stated. :)

There's another girl who plays an important role in this story and let's call her Chelsea. And of course you have yours truly, siukai who is obviously the protagonist of the story. Ha.

So, it all begun on a sunny Saturday afternoon at the world book fair at suntec city convention hall. Oh yah, Chelsea and Kingston are both my colleagues at the world book fair, we are part-timers. So, it happened that Chelsea and me were in the morning shift and after some "Hi, I'm Kaichong and Hi, I'm Chelsea, we begun our search for our first customer.

Soon after, Kingston who was in the afternoon shift came along and he went around the booth introducing himself. Quite a friendly guy, I thought to myself.

When it was my turn, Kingston asked me whether I had any English name. You can call me KC for short, I told him nicely. "Oh KC", he replied, smiling. "How old are you?" he asked. "I'm twenty six this year." I replied. "Oh 26, he smirked and nodded his head. (For the record, Kingston is 23)

I wanted to ask him why he had that look on his face but then decided not to. I was not there to chat but rather to help my boss make some sales for his education products. (You hear that boss?!) Ha. :p

Anyway, after a while Kingston left me alone and he proceeded to talk to Chelsea. For the next few hours, Kingston was chatting with Chelsea and did not give a hoot about the customers who walked past. That of course made him a bad salesperson since he did not attempt to get any customers but unbelievably, he did made one deal while poor siukai, the hero got none even though he was like working his ass off.

That brings me to the next point: Life is not fair. Don't worry, I know that like eons ago but I just wanted to warn the readers who still do not know this important fact of life; Life is never fair except in the movies where the underdog wins. Most of the time, the underdog will always remain where he is. Under and a dog. Ha.

So, the sooner you get over this fact, the faster you can move on in life. Repeat after me, Life is not fair and an underdog will always be an underdog. He can never become an abovedog and God forbids, an abovecat. Ha. Right, that's a bit lame.

Okay, so where was I? Oh yah, Kingston talking to Chelsea. Chelsea on the other hand, I think she wanted to be a decent saleswoman so she was trying to get some sales while Kingston was not chatting with her. Occasionally, she would come over and we would talk A BIT. Not a lot ah boss, my eyes are constantly scanning for customers even when I'm chatting. :)

Why am I telling you so much crap? It's all part of the story, be patient! The best part is yet to come.

Anyway, for my dear friends who are smart and experienced, you may already sense what I'm getting at. Kingston seemed to be interested in Chelsea and I can almost confirm on that suspicion when I kept seeing him look at my direction while Chelsea was talking to me.

If looks could kill, I would already be dead.

So, let me summarise up till this point, for those who are lost. Kingston likes Chelsea. Kingston sees siukai talking to Cheslea. Kingston thinks siukai is a threat. So, Kingston decided to deal with this "threat"

siukai of course is not a threat because we all know that siukai has his patapon dar dar and they are happily "married" for almost three years now. But Kingston do not know it, at least not yet.

Just to add, siukai CAN be a threat if he wanted to but not in this case because siukai LOVES his patapon dar and no other girls interest him. :D Hear that dar dar?! Don't be jealous k! :P

So, what the heck did Kingston try to do to "intimidate" this threat into backing off? Firstly, when siukai was talking to Cheslea while at the same time on the lookout for customers, Kingston circled us, like a lion stalking his prey in a National Geographic special. His eyes were constantly observing us, ready to pounce should we make any sudden move.

I think he was like sizing me up and at the same time trying to warn me that I had put one foot too many into his territory and he wanted me to back off immediately.

Wah siukai, you are a really good mind reader lei, just one look and you can know what he is thinking already ah? Yah, don't you know, I learnt my trade from Xavier and didn't you hear that the eyes are the window to your soul? Ha.

I chose to ignore Kingston of course. But I did not really enjoy the constant stares he was giving me.

Then while I was alone, he walked over to me and asked me, "Hey KC, so how does it feels like to be 26?"

When I heard that question, I was like shocked because hey, no one has ever asked me such a question before! As we all know, age is a sensitive topic, especially to ladies but hey, no one said that age is not taboo to guys! Ha.

Actually, it was not the question but rather the tone of his voice when he said it. I'm certain the hidden meaning in his question was, "Hey old man, you are over the hill already, leave the young girls to me. So back off!"

I was rather offended by that question.

But that's not all, a while later, he returned and guess what he said next?

He came over and he asked, "Hey KC, don't you feel OLD?!"

I was like what the -?! If this was the old (pun not intended) siukai he was talking to, I'm sure he would immediately pounce on Kingston and give him the best stonecold stunner he could muster. But this is the new siukai, the siukai who has mellowed and attained enlightenment. The same siukai who believes that we should make love, not war. Ha.

At this point of time, I was darn pissed off with him but I calmly replied, "Why do you keep asking me that?" making sure to add a tone of annoyance in my voice.

"Well, because everyone else is like 19 or 20 and you are like well, 26."

Wow. If Xavier was there, he would immediately stop listening to my mind cos the explicit language might be too much for him to take. Ha.

I smiled and walked away.

Not wanting to get embroiled in a meaningless territorial battle, I backed off. For the record, dar dar who saw Kingston on Sunday remarked that I would kick his ass, hands down if I were really to have a faceoff with him. Just look at the size of my tummy. Ha.

However, i guess I did not back off far enough because he seemed to want to drive the final nail in my coffin. He came back to me after a while, looked at me and mumbled, "Wow, 26", shaking his head in mock pity. (Maybe it's real, I'm not sure. Ha.)

Ouch. That was really like too much for me to take. If those words were arrows, they would have struck through my chest, deep into my heart and exited through my back. I ran to the toilet and cried my eyes dry. Ha.

No lah, I just took it like a man. No point wasting my breath with this kind of immature people.

He did not attack me after that and when he knew that I was already "married" to patapon dar dar I thought I detected a breath of relief from him. Ha. :P

Nothing else happened that evening and for the next few days, Kingston continued his chasing game and having realised that siukai was no longer a threat, he did not bother me much.

Some of you reading this now might think that I'm bias and in fact it is me who has something against Kingston. Well, I tell u I've seen my fair share of people and Kingston is definitely one master player, although Kok might have something to add to that. Ha.

The tactics he employs to chase Chelsea is so old school. We guys call it Cocky Humor. You first start by teasing the girl of interest so that you get her attention. So instead of praising her you say things like, "Oh, you look so ah-lian or oh, you are such a bad salesperson. You get the point? More details in siukai's upcoming book on The Black Art of Chasing Girls. Ha.

Cocky humor works based on the fact that girls are naturally attracted to "bad" guys; guys who can make their heart pound faster. I mean who will make a more lasting impression? A nice guy who talks to you about boring and politically correct stuff OR someone who keeps insulting you and teasing you?

Now you know why nice guys never wins?

Anyway, I guess it's okay to use Cocky Humor once in a while but not to the extent that you actually offend a girl. That's what Kingston did as he said something nasty to Chelsea which made her so upset that she cried.

That's plain stupid really. Yup, he should count himself lucky that the new no-temper siukai was in the house and not the old (once again no pun intended) one.

The amazing thing? Chelsea apparently forgave him after a while because he bought her a good luck charm and attached a "I'm Sorry" Note. (Actually, Kingston bought the good luck charm before the incident - another old school tactic.)

And you know what Chelsea said to me? She said, "I didn't know that he's such a nice guy."

I was really speechless, loss for words, cat got my tongue, stunned. Nice guy? Then what would that make me? A saint? Ha.

You call someone who says offending things to a lady to the extent of sexual harassment a nice guy? Wow. The world has really changed.

But I guess girls are strange beings. Like when my patapon dar dar told me she thought I was the handsome-est creature she set her eyes on when we first met. I immediately advised her to get her eyes checked at the nearest clinic.

Just like in sales where some customers are easily closed by the salesperson persuasive sales talk, some girls are more prone to sweet-talk and actions. Now you know why most nice girls go for the bad dudes.

But of course siukai, who are you to judge someone when you barely know him? Just because he said rude things and offended you on the first day, you condemned him to hell? Maybe he is actually a volunteer at the old folks home?

I hope not because I really don't know what the heck would happen when he goes around and start asking everybody there, "Hey, don't you feel OLD?" Ha.

Gosh, siukai is such a nasty man. :p