Siu Kai's Tummy, Xavier and other stories

Hi. I'm back. My apologies for the lack of posting; my dar dar came back from her holiday and I was busy making up for 10 days of lost time! Ha.

Yup, 10 days of not seeing dar dar, it's like not bathing for 10 days. Oh, wait a second, that didn't seemed such an appropriate comparison. Ha. Let's give it another try. 10 days of not seeing dar dar is like... how about it's like having no heart for 10 days.

Since I gave my heart to dar dar and she took it to Taiwan with her, so in her absence I had no heart. Ha.

Wow siukai, that is unbelievably crappy and kinda gross too. Ha.

Anyway, today's posting will be somewhat random because I don't really have a main topic in mind, I will just blog whatever that comes to my mind. And also, this might well be my last post for a while because I'll be starting my part-time job on Friday lasting a period of 10 days.

After that, I will be heading for my reservist. So, don't miss me when I'm gone. I'll try my best to update too so you guys who are bored (read no life) can be entertained by siukai's crap. Ha.

Talking about reservist, it's my first in 4 years! Yup. Actually I really dread anything that has to do with the men in green. Holding arms and drills have never been part of my forte. Make love not wars. Ha.

That is of course not meant to be taken seriously because if a need arises, you can bet your ass that I'm be defending my country, my loves ones and my fellow people! (That was just meant to make me sound more patriotic so people won't think I'm a selfish slob and coward. Ha.)

But seriously, if we really need to go to war, I guess we must do our part. A man has got to do what a man's got to do.

Eat less that is. Ha. That is strictly for my case. You can throw in exercise more also. :) I was trying out my army pants in anticipation of the reservist in 2 weeks time. (Anticipation seems too positive, change it to in response. Ha) and I was kinda shocked when I had to stop breathing for a full 15 seconds before I could button the pants together.

Actually, that's a bit exaggerating. I was not shocked. Ha. I kinda expected it since I had been gorging myself silly for the past few weeks. But still, it was not a pretty truth to take.

Looking at the bulge from my tummy, I was tempted to ask it where the hell it came from. I resisted asking it because I was sure 1) My mum would think I was crazy talking to my tummy. 2) I'm sure my tummy would reply(if he could) that it was all my fault. You greedy man. Ha.

What could I do? I had to secretly get rid of it. (I made sure my tummy was not looking at this when I typed. Ha.)

The master plan is rather straightforward. I will continue to feed my tummy normally so that it won't raise alarm bells. Then I will go jogging while slowly and gently stroking it, like how a mum will stroke his baby's back to facilitate the baby to burp. This is to reassure my tummy that everything is okay.

Then when it starts to complain that it feels hot due to the burning of fats, I will assure him that it's because of the weather. Darn the hot weather. Nothing to worry about.

Slowly but steadily, my tummy will become smaller and weaker until one fine day, it will simply cease to exist. Ha. He wouldn't even knew what hit him. I'm such an evil genius ain't I? Ha.

Okay, got to stop this topic now. I think he's waking up. Ha.

Moving on, I had a close encounter with the third kind while I was at the library a few days back. There I was sitting on this black couch minding my own business when suddenly he came along.

This strange guy with a laptop slung over his right shoulder and holding a thick comic book in another. I say he's strange not because he looks like ET or something since I thought you might relate "third kind" with aliens or supernatural stuffs. Ha.

He is strange because of his not normal behaviour.

Ha. If you are sharp enough, you will realise that the statement obvious is flawed. It's like saying A is stupid because he is not smart. Ha. Get it?

Anyway, when this guy strolled past me, he happened to catch my attention. So my eyes followed him to see what he was up to.

The strange guy walked a few steps towards the tables then glanced around, looking for an empty seat. To his disappointment, he did not find any. But then he did something rather amazing. He walked towards this lady at the last table and proceeded to ask her whether she could give up her seat so that he could use his laptop.

I was shocked. He simply just went up and requested the lady to move away. Maybe he thought he was professor Xavier of the XMen who could control minds. The lady did not budge of course. She kindly pointed out that she was doing some work and could not give up her seat.

Seeing Xavier's disappointed look, another lady who was sitting on the floor using her laptop kindly invited him to join her since there was an additional power plug.

To which Xavier replied, "May the force be with you."

Oh wait, that's from the Star Wars series. What the hell does Xavier say anyway? "I can read your mind?" Duh! Ha.

Xavier's reply was, "No thanks. There's a lot of germs on the floor." Gosh. There are germs everywhere prof! Maybe he was afraid that additional contact with germs would hasten his mutation. Ha.

So, Xavier started to pace up and down looking for a seat but found nothing after like a few minutes. Then he went over to the other side to try his luck. I thought to myself, "What a strange man!" and continued to listen to my audio book on my mp3 player.

There was this auntie beside me who was reading a book too. The couch was a two seater. This is a very important fact as I will explain next.

I was engrossed in my audiobook, (I was listening to Duma Key by Stephen King, my favorite author) when suddenly a shadow hung over me. I looked up, it was Xavier. No rather it was Xavier's butt. He had his back to me. And you know what he did?

No, he did not tell me that he could read my mind. Ha. He did not even say a word but just sat down between the auntie and me, on a two seater couch!

I was like, what the?! The auntie was rather annoyed because Xavier's butt bumped into her leg while he sat down and proceeded to make himself comfortable. Despite the auntie's and my annoyance, Xavier felt nothing wrong and started to read his comic.

I was really in disbelief. Could he really read my mind? Ha. I guess not because if he could, he would have asked me about some of the profanities I directed at him. Ha.

I looked around, wanting to confirm that the couch was indeed a two seater and I did not wrongly accuse this man. Yup, it was a two seater because the couch was in fact two separate ones joined together. So, what the heck was this guy doing sitting in between of us?!

Anyway, since I was a magnanimous man and I suspect the auntie was not too picky herself, we decided to not make a big deal of it and let Xavier stay. Partly because I was afraid that he was indeed the REAL Xavier and he would call upon Cyclopes to shoot laser at me. Ha.

About an hour later, Xavier stood up and walked away to see whether the tables were now available. Immediately, the auntie and I kicked into action. The aunties shifted herself slightly to her left so that she occupied more of her seat while I crossed my leg to my right. Our combined efforts effectively blocked out any empty space in the middle. I started to wonder whether the auntie could read my mind. Ha.

Satisfied with our ingenuity, I continued with my audiobook. But guess what happened next?

Xavier came back a few minutes later and he approached our couch! I was thinking to myself, if he really comes here and asked to sit down, I will tell him, "Sorry prof. Can't you see that this couch is clearly meant for 2 person only? If you can read my mind, read it now and you will know what I'm telling ya. It's two words" Ha. :p

His distance from the couch shortened and his pace started to gather. Soon, we were face to face again. I braced myself.

"Excuse me, do you mind?" Xavier asked POLITELY.

This is it. I thought to myself.

I spoke.

"Sorry. You. This. Couch."

"Huh? Do you mind?" Xavier repeated glancing at the "middle space" of the couch.

"You. Couch."

"Err.. yah, I want to sit in this couch." Xavier smiled.

What could I do? I conceded and uncrossed my legs.

"Thank you." Xavier said.

I tell you, I'm sure he controlled my mind during our brief interaction. How else can you explain why I went down without a fight? Ha.

No lah, I did not talk to him but he really did ask me whether I mind. I stared at him but could not bring myself to say those nasty words. I was after all, a good guy. So I just reluctantly let him sit loh.

Anyway, the auntie left after a while and Xavier shifted to her seat. So, all was well. Until Cyclopes came along and demanded that everybody else gave up their seats to Xavier. Oops. I think that happened when I fell asleep. Ha.

Exam results will be released tomorrow. A bit nervous. Not too sure how I will do this sem. Will I aced it like back in the poly days? (Unlikely) or worse will I get relegated?! Ha. Most probably I think it will be another mid-table effort. The fight for the champions league spot continues. Ha.

Till then people, see you guys again! :)

Ha. I just saw this quote from our dear Kok's MSN. He's always full of crappy quotes. But I find them rather interesting. So this time round we have, "Why do human fall asleep, only to get up after that? Simple. Get your ass up after every fall in life!!" Ha. Nice. :)